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The first time someone asked me seriously what would make me feel good, I didn’t believe her. There were never any scenes of them experiencing orgasming or taking the lead during sex - I only saw that with thin femmes- so I did not know that pleasure like that could belong to me too. The fat femmes in these images taught me that pleasure in a fat body was based on how good you could make your sexual partner feel.
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The only images I had to look upon of fat Black femmes embracing their fatness were on the free pornsites I visited. Back then, there was no mainstream body acceptance movement to encourage me to liberate myself sexually, nor were there any celebrities being openly unapologetic about how much space their fat Black body took up. I thought I had no place to make any demands in the bedroom and if I did speak up my voice would not be heard. Most people who are socialized as fat children have weak self-esteem that can translate into feelings of shame about their bodies. My sexual oppression was a result of my upbringing as a fat child. I would tell them what they wanted to hear - fake moan and place my sexual pleasure on the back burner to accommodate their fantasies, sometimes even their fetish, for my body. These types of hookups asked the same question over and over again, waiting for me to stroke their ego with my answer as they repeatedly asked “How does this feel baby”? To be completely honest, I always made them feel good because it made me feel desirable in a world where fat bodies are looked upon as disgusting.
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I’ve spent a lot of time in my twenties face down on fitted bed sheets, being strapped down while the person I was hooking up with moaned, sweated, and hovered over my fat Black body like that damn crane in prize machines. The 200 Best Lesbian, Bisexual & Queer Movies Of All TimeĪutostraddle Strap Week 2021 – All Images by Demetria.
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